Indian men have a very warped idea of what constitutes good sex and how to get long lasting pleasure after having sex with his/her partner. Brought up on an impoverished diet of porn with no sex education; no awareness about women’s sexual health and desire. Men are not informed (or otherwise) talk of sex facts in the family. They have an insecure, competitive discourse about it among peers and they end up with half-baked knowledge of best way of doing sex.
They understand intimacy in terms of length:
Length of the penis, length of performance, length of pleasurable sensation. Not only is the idea of good sex here centered on the self (concern for the pleasure of the other person is simply not part of it like who feels more pleasure male or female), it is also remarkably limited in its idea of pleasure.
The educated illiterate men run the sexual worlds of entertainment and pleasure resulting that from cinema to dotted condom advertisements: erroneous ideas of best sex positions circulates. best condom brands, for example, focus solely on their advertising of the best long lasting condoms, though they carry a warning that there are harsh chemicals in the product while ignoring the women's sexual health and desire.
“Yes, this is largely caused by a chemical called benzocaine, found in most condoms, resulting in numbness of your private parts. This has particularly harmful effects for women causing itching, burning, and discomfort during lovemaking sessions, ignoring women sexual health in the process to satisfy sex desires” says Pallavi Barnwal.
For men, the best way of doing sex positions is only all about how long it lasts. Condom companies (run by the same self-centred, sexually illiterate men) sell this fantasy also how to increase sex drive and do not care about women’s sexual health, pleasure or pain either.
Long-lasting simply is not the point in good intimacy session like is who feels more pleasure male or female. how to have good sex is all about mutual pleasure & foreplay, and all about what Germaine Greer called the diffusion of the sexual experience to all the erogenous zones in the body, about experiencing sensation in one’s own body and pleasuring the other in various sex positions.
In Indian men's minds, the best way of doing sex is Bad porn and macho ideology which only teach you that sex fact: you have to go on and on forever. Men will tell you that they can fuck you all night (which sounds rather tiring and boring), that they have superb stamina (this is not a horse race), that they have long penises (usually they are deluded about their own size). This shows that they have a very limited understanding of how to have good sex which is limited to how to increase sex drive, penetration, and ejaculation, usually in the missionary position: best sex positions (pun intended). All the while ignoring the needs of the partner, equally involved in the act of lovemaking. For mutual satisfaction men need to consider broader perspectives like women's sexual health, love-making sex, and desire over long-lasting stamina.
This very straitjacketed understanding of the best way of doing sex first time is part of the sexual repression – sexual explosion complex that mars Indian men’s understanding of women's sexual desire or love-making sex. The need to relax during lovemaking, speak to each other during it, have hours of foreplay, and exploring the length and breadth of each other’s bodies.
Care over the choice of condom, care of one’s own body, and care for the body of the other – are the much-needed commandments which every couple should ideally follow if they want to enjoy good sex without demeaning their partners. Unless these become part of the sexual lives of Indians, we are doomed to an extremely unhappy populace, killing, instead of making love to each other or in other words following the practices of best ways of doing sex first time.
(Written by: Pallavi Barnwal, Founder of Redwomb, intimacy coach, TEDx speaker)